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Wednesday, 30 November 2011

Do you take someone you've only known five minutes to be your lawfully wedded...

I have been hearing many stories recently about people getting engaged within only a short period of time knowing each other.

I wouldn't say that I find this wrong exactly, but I do find it worrying. As with any situation every case is a completely different scenario so it is difficult to prescribe guidelines or suggestions about such thing. In my case I think I find it worrying because when someone says the word 'marriage' to me, I immediately think of 'divorce'. We live in an age where there is an all time high for people getting divorced and having multiple marriages (not all at the same time... except maybe the Mormons...).

I hear of people getting engaged after only six months to a year of being together. I really do not think this is enough time to really get to know someone. Not fully anyway. You may then find in a couple of years you find yourself in a previously unknown situation. In this situation you may then see a side to your partner that you really do not like, or even cannot live knowing that side exists.

I am not against marriage itself, not at all, but I wouldn’t dream of getting married unless I had been in a relationship for at least 3-5 years and even then I would have to be very sure.

The trouble with early marriages is people are still in that spark stage of the romance. I often hear love described like a flame, starting bright and fiery then relaxing into a soft ember that burns forever. The trouble is sometimes the flame simply dies out completely, if you get married before you know what way the flame is going to go then you could end up with someone that in all reality you don't actually love.

As I said before this is a case by case situation, no doubt readers will immediately thinks of situations or circumstances and even examples of people whom it has worked for. My main point is if you are 'sure' that your partner is the one then there should be no problem in waiting a couple of years anyway.

I also take this to mean couples who meet and then immediately get together, rather than couples who were friends for years or in some way really knew each other for years before getting together then married. That is slightly different.

Surprisingly people seem to be getting married a lot younger now as well. I'm very curious to know why that might be. For some reason my first thought is insecurity. Soaps, gossip magazines and sadly everyday life is full of stories about people cheating and having affairs. Could early marriage almost be in response to this? Perhaps it is an act of setting up boundaries and signs telling others to back off or even putting your partner in their place. "We are married now. You need to commit" kind of thing.

I've also noticed this is quite common within church groups, particularly those who do not believe in sex before marriage. One of many reasons for these early marriages could be because waiting will just lead to more and more temptation that cannot be morally fulfilled.

People fall in and out of love. Realistically love is not guaranteed (although certainly can live up to be) a lifelong commitment, but really marriage should be, and I think this is the problem. People are less paranoid about doing 'immoral' acts so are not afraid to get divorced now. 

Having said all this, there are immense benefits to marriage, not only practically but emotionally. The idea of having one person who you really do share your entire life with, who know you in and out. Only the people themselves who are in love can ever know exactly how they feel.



  1. Interesting blog today, little brother.

    You have failed to mention that marriage is also a commitment you make to that person - including times of adversity. Hence the vows "for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health..."

    Both people may have to work hard at times to make that marriage work - it is not always an easy ride.

    And I think that's why divorce is so prevalent these days... plus it's now pretty easy.

  2. Oh I completly agree with you

    When people marry they should really know what it is they are signing up for, too many people forget the vows and only use them when it suits them and not when it is their turn to hold up.